What is culprit?
As defined in the Oxford Dictionary, culprit is someone who has done wrong.
As per above title we are blaming the mind. Why are we pointing figure at the mind?
It is simply because most of the time we blamed the situation that affects us rather than the mind.
I am going to describe a scenario that can make us behave in that particular manner. Not all people will behave in that manner but I believe most people can and will behave in that manner that I described.
Just imagine on a beautiful Sunday morning you intend to take your family out for breakfast somewhere in town. With your children and wife together in the car you start the journey heading to your destination in town for breakfast. As you turned out of the junction, you saw quite a queue of cars. You just followed the queue and start talking to your children and wife on whatever subject you may like. After a few minutes following the queue, you may sigh a little and say, I think it is a jam to your wife. Your wife and children may just keep quite. You keep following the queue, the jam seems quite bad.
Now you may be thinking what happened in front, could it be an accident? You thought maybe and kept to the queue. After following the jam for half an hour, there was an ambulance passed by on the opposite direction. This may have reassured your thoughts that there was an accident at the front and you may think what kind of lousy drivers they are causing this traffic jam. They should go and take up defensive driving and improved their driving skills. The mind now seems a little agitated now.
Cars from your left and right started over taking you without observing the laws. You again will be in your mind or speak out to say, these drivers are terrible never follow laws, simply drive, that is why they get involved in accidents. Then suddenly from the side a car tried to squeeze in. You choose not to allow the car to get in, you drive nearer to the car in front of you not even bothering the driver. In your mind you are thinking, please queue, you idiot. I am already stuck for 45 minutes, my wife and children are already hungry. You are now disturbed or agitated and four letters words may come out from your mouth.
At the end of the jam you realized it was not an accident but JKR workers repairing the road. In your mind they should have repaired in the night instead of causing this traffic jam. They are all idiots, no cow sense and useless fellow. Your wife and children dare not utter a word as they can senses the atmosphere was not very right.
After all the hassle, you reached your destination and had lunch instead of breakfast and went back home. That morning is supposed to be a beautiful Sunday morning but it did not turned out to be a beautiful Sunday because of the traffic jam.
In the above situation, this can happen to us and those thoughts arise from the mind can disturbed or agitate us to behave in that unruly manner.
I am going to describe another scenario.
The following day is a Monday. You have a meeting in the office with your boss at 10 am in the morning. As usual you wake 6.30 am early in the morning. Have your coffee and read the news paper. At 7.30 am you took your shower and prepare yourself to be early for the meeting, at least half hour early. You left home alone at 8 am expecting to reach the office by 9 am. When you turn out of your house around the corner, it happened a pretty young lady was trying to thump a lift. You stop to ask the pretty young lady where she was going. She says she is going to office down town and you are also going down town so you gave her a lift.
When you turned out the junction, queue of cars was lining up. Not again this was what happened yesterday you told the young pretty lady. You asked the young pretty lady, are you in a hurry? Nope, she replied. She says she actually have an appointment at 11 am, anyway she was prepared for the jam as that is normal in the city. You start to introduce yourself and asking for her name. She introduced herself as Vivian and told you that she will be going for an interview for the post of Product Manager. Your conversation started and Vivian being a very sociable lady was very good in inter personal skill. Vivian being very good in inter personal skill also asked you quite a lot of things and you were also very delighted to answer her. There were a lot of talking and both of you seems to like the conversation. You also managed to get her hand phone number and not being aware some drivers over taking you from the right and the left.
You look at your watch, it was already 9.25 am and you know you will be late for the meeting. You took out your hand phone to call your boss. Your boss picked up the call and told your boss you are caught in the traffic jam and would not be in time and explaining of the situation that you had actually planned to reach the office by 9 am. Your boss replied he was also caught in the traffic jam and he says, ok, nothing much can be done and suggested to meet later in the afternoon.
Vivian overheard the conversation and commented, your boss is very understanding and she does not mind to work for him. Then you say, yes indeed my boss is a very nice and very understanding man. Your conversation with Vivian continued. There was quite a lot of laughter as the atmosphere was just beautiful because your boss have post pone the meeting to afternoon.
When you passed the jam you realized it was almost 10 am and telling Vivian time flies. In your mind you are thinking, how come so fast you passed the traffic jam. You tell Vivian, she is good in time management as she will be just in time for her interview.
You dropped Vivian off just around the corner of your officer and telling her to keep in touched. You reached your office at 10.30 am.
The above scenario described can happen and most of us may behave in that manner that I described. There is not one moment of unruly behavior.
In the 1st situation, you are caught in the traffic jam and your behavior seems unruly.
Then in the 2nd situation, you are also caught in the traffic jam and your behavior seems to be in control and orderly.
The question here is does traffic jam make a person orderly or unruly? No. In any situations, it is the thoughts that you have at that moment that will make you orderly or unruly. We may not be able to suppress the thoughts from popping out from the mind but we can stop the flow of negative thoughts which will have an impact on our behavior.
As quoted by Master Hsuan Hua, “With one wrong thought arising, it opens up to a million doors of obstruction.”
If we are aware of our thoughts, we can actually choose our thoughts. To be orderly or unruly is our choice.
In a difficult situation when you are right and someone had wrong you. This is the time for you to learn the virtues of life i.e. learning tolerance, patience, forbearance and so on. If you are in the wrong and people scold you and at that moment you tolerate, you are not tolerating because you deserved to be scolded. So to learn the virtues of life, it is only when you are right and people wrong you, that is when you learn the virtues of life. If you have that in mind you should be able to suppress the negative flow of thoughts and you can behave orderly like a cultured person.
When Jesus Christ was about to be crucified, he told all his followers,
“Forgive them for they know not what they are doing.”
What a beautiful quote. At that moment what was in Jesus Christ mind? Jesus Christ pitied and sympathized with them instead of thinking of taking revenged.
Should we being wrongly wrong, we can also think like Jesus Christ, forgive them for they know not what they are doing. Treat them like children. This is what we call antidote that can help the mind to be behaved orderly.
Therefore the mind is the culprit and not the situation. The choice is yours to have an orderly or unruly mind. This will apply to both genders. You can choose to practice anytime anywhere and in any situations. You will be assured of a good relationship if your mind is orderly and cultured.
Another quote by Master Hsuan Hua, “Remember everything is a test. If you fail you have got to start a new.”
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